


His True Failure

by justdreadwolfing



Series: Solas x Nira'sal [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 19:51:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12092223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justdreadwolfing/pseuds/justdreadwolfing
Summary: As they leave Haven to burn, Solas worries for Nira’sal’s life and considers the feelings that have begun to bud within him.





	His True Failure

“Solas, we have to hurry. We don’t have time!” Dorian spoke loudly over the storm, turning back to the elf as the rest of the Inquisition made their way out into the cold. Corypheus had just made himself known and since the Inquisition had just used her as a scape goat for their own necks, Nira’sal was now alone with the demon. She had done nothing wrong. Over the past few weeks, she had done nothing but try to help those around her and now, because of him, she was now facing what could possibly be her death. He felt his mask slip. His face contorting as he looked back on Haven.

There was no way she was going to make it out of there. Solas knew little of Corypheus, but what he did know was that he was sure he would not allow her to live after the impact she had made on his plans. There was no hope for her by herself. He had to save her. The blame for everything that had happened over the past few weeks was directly on his shoulders and there was no way he could continue moving forward knowing that she was left to pay the price. “We cannot just leave her behind. We have to go back.” 

Nira had done nothing but show kindness to him ever since she stepped through the Fade. She had gone out of her way to help him in any way that she could and what had he done for her in return? 

He had lied to her as he kept his true identity a secret and ultimately, he had led her to her death. 

Dorian touched his arm, tugging it gently, pulling his composure back. “I understand your frustration, but she’s a big girl. She can handle herself, I’m sure of it. Our priority now is to make sure the rest of the Inquisition gets out of here safely.” Solas turned to Dorian with a pained expression. “We can return for her once we get them at a safe distance, I swear to you.” 

Dorian went on ahead, joining Cullen and the others in making sure that all of their people were together. The blizzard only making their journey that much more difficult and with their home in flames behind them, it was hard to imagine any of them actually accomplishing such a feat. 

Solas had to remain positive. Nira’sal was special. He had to believe that she would be able to pull herself out of this and when she did, she would expect the rest of the Inquisition’s forces to be well taken care of. At the very least, he could accomplish that much. 

Solas cared little for the others and while he had tried to do the same for Nira from the very beginning, his mind refused to push her out of his thoughts. Since As he was told, Solas had done everything in his power to find a way to remove the anchor. He had gotten to the point where he was failing to take care of himself and upon learning of that, Nira took it upon herself to check in on him…constantly. She would appear in front of him at all moments of the day making sure that he took time to rest and nourish himself in between his long study sessions. 

At first, he had found it a bit annoying, but as time passed that changed and the two of them became very close. 

Inseparable. 

The emptiness he felt deep within himself was unfamiliar and strange, but he knew. Since the Inquisition began, it had become increasingly obvious that his feelings towards Nira’sal were becoming more permanent. She was always around, but Solas found himself yearning for even more of her time. 

He closed his eyes. Forcing the next thought from his mind. You know this is a mistake. I cannot involve myself with her. The thought rang loudly in his mind. 

“It’s okay, you know?” Without warning, the boy appeared beside him, a gentle smile gracing his cheeks. The long brim of his hat covered most of his face as he squatted to play with the snow beneath his feet. 

“I can have no ties to this world or the people that linger here,” Solas said quietly. It could be difficult, but he would have to find a way to hide how he felt. “Despite what these feelings may be, Nira’sal must remain nothing to me.” In this end, this was the easiest path for him. 

Cole played with his hands, his eyes scanning the ground as he pieced his next words together carefully. “She is nothing, but she is something. You must pick a side. One day the chains will break and he will no longer hold you.” 

Solas was quiet for a long while before finally turning to the spirit before giving his answer. “You know what I must do, Compassion. I cannot just…” 

“It’s Cole now. I like that name.” 

Solas had known Compassion for a very long time. While he did not enjoy the fact that the spirit had found a physical form, compromising his very being, it was good that it felt it had a purpose now. “Very well, but the fact remains. My duty must remain my primary focus.” Solas’ paused for a moment, allowing his words to trail off. After a moment, a small smile slid across his features. “My feelings for her are far deeper than I had initially expected. My duty was to distance myself from the Inquisition while still guiding them in the correct direction. It seems that I have failed at that.” 

“Perhaps. But is failure such a bad thing?” Solas caught a smile run across his face before he disappeared. 

“There! There she is!” The commander shouted from the front lines immediately breaking Solas’ focus. Seeing the direction that Cullen had run, Solas made his way in the same direction. Had she really survived? A million thoughts raced through his mind as he pushed through the crowd. Maybe he was wrong? What if it had been a straggler and she was still back there? What if someone had found her in the snow and caught up with the group? What if she were alive and standing there? What would he say to her? It had to be her. It had to be. 

And there she was. 

The little blonde elf stood for a long moment between the rocks, before quickly losing her balance just as Cullen had reached her. Cullen knelt in the snow, placing his coat around her before pulling her into his arms. Solas stopped in his tracks, his heart violently lept in his throat. She was alive. A weight lifted off his chest as Cullen lifted her into his arms. Solas leaned against his staff as he tried to compose himself, but he could not help the happiness that shown on his features. 

With Nira’sal in his arms, Cullen made his way towards Solas. “She’s alright, barely. Can you take care of her?” Carefully, Cullen placed her in his arms. “We’ll set up camp here until she awakens.” Solas nodded as Cullen passed him, barking orders at the read of the crowd. Walking away from the scene, Solas couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She looked weak, exhausted, but she was still breathing. He distanced himself from everyone as they began to set up camp before he sat, making sure not to lay her body on the snow. 

“I thought you were dead.” He said quietly. Solas couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face as he gently pushed the bangs out of her face. As he placed his hand on her forehead, magic trickled from where he touched her, instantly gaining a small reaction from her. 

Her eyes flickered open, but only barely. “S-Solas?” When she looked up at him, her eyes instantly filled with tears. 

His smiled widened. He had never been very good at comforting others. Getting close to people was never something he had been particularly good at. Despite that fact, Nira’sal had come to her if she even so much as stubbed her toe. He would seemingly have to learn this trait if this continued. “You’re alright now. Get some rest.” 

Nira’sal pushed herself up a little and weakly wrapped her arms around his neck. “I was so scared.” Her tears warmed his shoulder as she buried her face into his coat. 

Solas wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close. “I know. So was I, but you must rest. I will keep watch over you.” 

She nodded, resting her head on his shoulder and holding onto him tightly. Solas ran his fingers along her arm, doing whatever he could think of to try to console her. The small motion seemed to work as her tears calmed and she slowly drifted to sleep. 

As he watched her, a different thought ran through his mind. 

It was far too late to turn back. 

Solas leaned his head against hers. Despite the million reasons why he knew they could not be together, nothing else seemed to matter now. He would stay with her, at least for now. While this dream may end, perhaps failure was not a bad option. At least for now, may he never wake up.


End file.
